Grief is one of the most universal human experiences there is, but oftentimes it is misunderstood, rushed, or minimized. Grief isn’t just about death and can come up in a variety of different ways including a divorce or breakup, miscarriage or infertility, losing a job or retiring, becoming an empty nester, chronic illness or loss of identity, moving away from a place you called home, and more. Our western culture often pushes ideas of “moving on” or “productivity” that forces us to return back to our previous routines. The truth is…grief changes us. Grief isn’t a process to fix or get rid of, it is a process to honor. Whether you're grieving a loved one, a relationship, a pet, a job, or even a version of yourself, this post is here to help you feel seen and remind you that you are not alone, and your grief is valid.

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Myths About Grief and The Truth Behind Them: 

• “You should be over it by now” 
  
  • Truth: Grief has no expiration date. There is not an exact timeline that occurs. You may feel fine for months or years, and suddenly you get a wave of emotions. This is normal.
• “If you’re not crying, you’re not grieving.” 
  
  • Truth: Grief shows up in many different ways. Some people cry, some feel numb, some distract themselves, and some become hyperproductive. All are valid reactions. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
• “Talking about the loss will just make it worse.” 
  
  • Truth: Avoiding grief can prolong pain. Suppressing these emotions and reactions does not protect us, but rather can lead to invalidation and lack of self compassion. Talking about your loss in a safe space helps you process the experience and move forward with meaning.
• “You should focus on the positive and be grateful.” 
  
  • Truth: Grief and gratitude can coexist. It’s possible to appreciate what you have and still mourn what you’ve lost. Feeling pain doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful, it just means you are human.
• “Moving on means forgetting.” 
  
  • Truth: Moving forward means finding new ways to stay connected. You don’t “get over” someone you loved. In fact, you carry them forward with you in ways like telling their stories, celebrating anniversaries, or living in a way that honors their legacy.

Some Common but Unspoken Experiences with Grief: 

• Feeling angry at the person who died or at yourself
  
  • You might feel angry at your loved one for leaving you, especially if the death was sudden or preventable. You might feel betrayed, abandoned, or furious at how unfair everything feels. You may also blame yourself for replaying your last conversation, questioning if you could’ve done more. This is all a normal part of grief. Anger is often a mask for pain, confusion, or powerlessness. Acknowledging it is the first step to releasing it.
• Resenting others who seem to be “moving on” 
  
  • Grief can feel incredibly isolating. When people around you appear to resume life as usual, like returning to work, laughing at dinner, making weekend plans, and it might feel like your pain is invisible. Feelings of anger or confusion may appear, and that is okay. This resentment doesn’t make you selfish or unkind.
• Laughing or enjoying something, then feeling guilty
  
  • Grief doesn't cancel out moments of joy. You might find yourself smiling at a memory, laughing at a joke, or enjoying a good meal, and then suddenly feel like you’ve betrayed your grief, but joy isn’t disrespectful. It’s not a sign that you didn’t care enough, but rather a sign that you are still alive.
• Forgetting they’re gone and reexperiencing the loss
  
  •  It’s surprisingly common to forget, even for a brief moment, that someone has died. You might instinctively reach for your phone to call them or expect them to walk through the door and then the reality hits again. This isn’t denial. It is your brain and heart trying to understand and make sense of a major absence in your world. These moments of “rerealization” are painful, but they don’t mean you’re going backwards. 

In conclusion, grief is not a disorder to cure or a weakness to overcome, rather it is a natural human response to loss and change. Rather than viewing grief as something pathological or broken, we must recognize it as a reflection of our capacity to love, to connect, and to feel. Grief does not follow a straight path or a tidy timeline. Grief is messy, unpredictable, and often nonlinear. When we stop trying to "fix" grief, but instead honor it, we create space for healing, connection, and transformation. Grieving is not a sign that something is wrong with you. Grief is a sign that something meaningful has been lost. By honoring grief instead of fearing it, we allow ourselves the permission to heal in our own time and in our own way.

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You don’t have to do it alone! Some resources are below:

Tips/worksheets for when you are struggling with grief 

Helpful website resources 

Other blogs about grief 

Grief support groups in Chicago 

Grief Resources for the Loss of a Loved One to Addiction 

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References:

Normalizing loss and what may help: The do’s and don’ts of grief - UVM Health Network

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