What is intellectualizing?

Intellectualizing can be defined as a coping mechanism in which someone uses logic, analysis, facts or explanation to distance themselves from difficult emotions. If you have ever noticed yourself finding it difficult to engage with your emotions or fully feel them and you tend to try to understand, explain or solve an emotion or concern instead, you may be intellectualizing. 

Intellectualizing is not inherently bad, as it can be a strength to understand your emotions. However, if you rely on this as a way to avoid sitting with emotions it can become a maladaptive coping skill. 

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How can intellectualizing show up?

In therapy

Intellectualizing can often show up in the therapeutic space. There may be times when you find yourself explaining a situation ad nauseum without feeling fully connected to the emotions underneath it. You might notice that you know what the emotions are called but not how to actually experience them. You may be able to understand why something happened the way it did, or explain your family history to your therapist while still feeling disconnected from your own sadness, anger, frustration or fear. 

You may notice yourself saying things like:

• “I know why I feel this way.”
• “I understand that this comes from my childhood.”
• “I know I need to set boundaries.”
• “Logically, I know this shouldn't bother me.”

While these statements can be true and insightful, knowing why you feel something doesn’t necessarily mean you are processing and experiencing your feelings. 

In everyday life

Intellectualizing can show up outside of therapy as well. You may notice that you jump immediately to analyzing or trying to solve a situation in your life without considering what is happening emotionally or physically in your body. 

For example, after an argument with someone in your life you may spend hours thinking about what was said, who was in the right or what you could have done differently. Meanwhile, the emotions under the surface never get acknowledged and continue to impact you without proper processing. 

Other signs that you are intellectualizing might include:

• Turning emotional conversations into problem-solving sessions
• Explaining away your feelings because they seem “irrational”
• Using humor or facts to move away from uncomfortable emotions
• Feeling more comfortable discussing someone else's emotions than your own
• Constantly analyzing your relationships or experiences
• Struggling to answer the question, “How do you feel?”
• Knowing what you think about an experience but having difficulty identifying what you feel

How do you reconnect with your emotional self?

Reconnecting with your emotions doesn’t mean moving away from analyzing or problem solving completely. Those are useful skills that you have developed and they can be used intentionally when appropriate. However, it can be helpful to learn to make room for both your thoughts and your feelings. 

Slow Down

When you notice that you are beginning to analyze a situation, pause and take a moment to consider what you are feeling. When you are moving too quickly, it can sometimes be difficult to notice what is happening emotionally. One strategy that can help with this is the STOP skill.

• Stop: Visualize a stop sign to signal to your brain that it’s time to pause.
• Take a deep breath: Give yourself a moment to slow down and take a breath.
• Observe: Notice your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, or even what is going on in the room around you.
• Proceed mindfully: With the knowledge you now have about what you are feeling, you can make an intentional decision about what happens next.

Pay attention to your body

Bringing awareness to physical sensations can be a useful tool in practicing mindfulness and noticing where emotions live in your body. Emotions often show up physically before we even notice them consciously. That can be through tension, sweating, suddenly feeling hot, restlessness, a racing heart, or even nausea. 

Use the feelings wheel

When it feels difficult to name your emotions, it can be useful to have a visual aid to help you explore what you are feeling. The feelings wheel can be helpful as a reference point to use when you are having difficulty finding the words to describe your emotional experience. This works best when you start with a general feeling and work your way to the outside of the wheel to identify more specific emotions. 

Resist the urge to immediately move to problem solving

Sometimes an emotion does not need to be fixed. Sometimes it can’t be fixed. When you notice that you’re going into problem-solving mode, try saying something like, “I am feeling really sad right now, and I don't have to figure it out yet.”

While it can be important to use problem-solving skills, there are times when it may be more helpful to practice identifying and acknowledging your feelings first. Once you have given yourself space to understand what you are experiencing, you can decide if there is a problem that needs to be solved.

Stay curious

Rather than immediately passing judgment on how you are feeling, try to practice emotional curiosity by asking things like “What might this feeling be trying to tell me?” or “What do I need right now?”. This can invite room for self compassion and allow you to get your needs met as difficult emotions come up. 

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Conclusion

Intellectualizing is often born out of survival and ultimately can provide you with some really valuable skills like problem solving and insightfulness. The goal is not to stop thinking about or analyzing your problems completely, but rather to create space for your emotions alongside your thoughts. By learning to recognize what you are feeling, you can better understand yourself and your needs. 

If you are someone who tends to intellectualize, be gentle with yourself and try approaching this with curiosity rather than judgment. There may have been a time when intellectualizing helped you get through a really difficult situation and feel in control of your life. As you learn to be more aware of your emotions, you can begin to use both your thoughts and your feelings to help you navigate difficult situations.