What if my therapist and I disagree about politics?

Politics can and do impact our mental health, whether by changing our access to care, influencing the beliefs and behavior of the people closest to us, or just giving us more stress or trauma to process. However, therapists are trained in nonjudgment, which means that your political beliefs only need to be explored if doing so will increase your sense of trust and safety in session, or if they are causing you unmanageable distress.

For example, if you believe in Flat Earth Theory and go about your life in reasonable peace and safety, then it’s probably not relevant to your work in therapy. However, if your belief in Flat Earth Theory causes you distress for any reason (extreme conflict with family and friends, feelings of isolation, anxiety about authority figures and institutions), therapy can be a good place to unpack how you’re feeling and find ways to tolerate distress and build connection.

A therapist has the choice whether or not to disclose their political beliefs to a client, and they should only do so if they feel it will build trust. It’s not appropriate for a therapist to bring up their personal life at all unless they truly believe it will further the therapeutic relationship. If it’s hard to believe that your therapist can help you regardless of real or imagined political differences, some information on their training and how therapy works can give you confidence to move forward with treatment, or to switch from a therapist who isn’t working well with you.

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Politics, Therapy, and You

There are many articles discussing patient concerns around working with a therapist who doesn’t share their political views. The concerns are understandable. Seeing a therapist, especially if it’s your first time in therapy, is an incredibly vulnerable experience. Our political beliefs are often tied to deep aspects of our personality: what we value, who we care for, and what we dream of the world becoming. If you suspect your therapist will dismiss or disrespect these deep parts of yourself, you’re probably not going to work with them for very long or very successfully.

For example, the process of starting a family can be complicated, and could involve anything from fertility treatments to surrogacy. Your doctor knows best as far as your health is concerned, but a therapist could help you work through any emotions that come up as you consider your choices and strategize with you about what could work best and how to navigate any feedback from your family. If your therapist doesn’t consider the method of family building you chose as valid and communicates that to you, the support they provide could be limited, and your trust in them could be compromised. Trust is the most important aspect of the therapeutic bond.

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How are therapists trained to help me?

A Psychology Today article notes the importance of a therapist’s impartiality towards their clients. “Therapists are mandated to self-monitor if biases or personal issues impact their ability to be an effective therapist… therapists referring away persons based on political differences ‘could be ethical, if the therapist is acknowledging they are incompetent in treating those who are different from them in this way. This would identify the therapist as the person needing to pursue professional development and would protect the client from potential harm by the therapist.’” In other words, if your therapist decides they can’t work with you, don’t take it personally because it’s not about you; it’s about them.

Many practices, including Sage Therapy, provide clinicians with bias training to help them identify and overcome unconscious prejudices that could interfere with a client’s care. Therapists also receive ongoing professional development to maintain neutral body language and tone in all situations, and to keep sessions productive by focusing on the patient’s health. Some of their tactics for keeping cool, even in the face of triggering content in a session, include focusing on emotions rather than opinions, using reflective listening, and redirecting focus. Each of these highlight something you and the therapist have in common - your emotional self - while deprioritizing what you may disagree on outside of therapy.

Therapists are of course human beings with their own private interior worlds, and sometimes that interior might come out during therapy. They might show an involuntary emotional reaction to a disclosure that conflicts with their world view, or unintentionally make their own disclosure that makes you question their values or judgment. If you experience this in therapy, you should feel comfortable letting your therapist know how it made you feel. A good therapist will welcome your feedback because their aim is to know you better so that they can help you strategize on how to reach your goals, or find relief from distress. They are not there to judge you or pressure you into any thought or action, and they’re definitely not there to have an emotional reaction to what you tell them unless it’s appropriate sympathy or celebration. 

A lot of clients ask their therapist personal questions because they want to feel confident that they can support them from a perspective of experience. If you’re having trouble with your kids, you may feel the need to work with a therapist who has experience raising them. Therapists can bring valuable insights from their personal experiences, but a good therapist will find ways to reassure you that they have the knowledge and empathy to help you regardless of what you have in common. Therapists can choose whether to answer personal questions, but they commonly keep most details to themselves, not just to keep the focus of the session on you, but to protect the boundaries that keep your relationship impartial and professional. While you and your therapist may have a great rapport, make each other laugh, and have a lot in common, you can’t spend time together outside of sessions or become friends while you’re working together. It’s harder for friends to challenge us because they have their own stake in the relationship - they want us in their lives. A therapist may enjoy working with you, but they are best able to help you when some professional distance is involved. It allows them to see your problems more clearly, challenge any disordered thinking that may be hurting you, and avoid bringing their own emotions into the session. It also helps you to take them seriously as your clinician.

Sometimes a political self disclosure can further a therapeutic alliance. For example, if you identify as LGBTQIA+, your therapist could share that they also identify this way, or that they are an ally. If your therapist avoids talking about their political beliefs, it’s not necessarily because they disagree with yours. Rather, it’s an approved tactic to keep the focus of the conversation on you, and any undiscovered territory in your psyche. If you’re a vegan who’s passionate about animal rights, you might ask your therapist whether they eat meat. They might disclose their thoughts on meat eating, or they might say something like “I can tell that animal rights are really important to you. When do you think that started?” Responding to your question with a question is a way for them to meet you with curiosity and encourage you to dig deeper into your values rather than explore theirs. The majority of work in therapy is about what’s hidden rather than what’s known. Your political views are the result; they want to know the cause.

Let’s say that you and your therapist are politically aligned and often discuss current events from that standpoint. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and if you feel alienated by the people around you who don’t think the way you do, this kind of therapist could offer a refuge for you to express yourself. However, political discussions should not constitute the bulk of your therapy session; the focus should be on your feelings of alienation and strategies to find community and connection. Part of that is finding a benevolent view or explanation for the views of your loved ones, and accepting that they are out of your control. Your therapist could help you prepare to speak to them about your beliefs if that would make you feel more empowered and unburdened, but they shouldn’t try to convince you to fight with or convert them. Again, therapy isn’t about politics: it’s about you. If you notice an imbalance between a therapist’s care for you and their desire to talk about their own beliefs, that’s a sign that you may not be able to work together and your therapist is in need of some professional development.

A skilled therapist will help you reach a state of relaxation that will allow you to tell them the deepest and craziest things you’ve ever thought so that you can unpack them together without judgment, regardless of their political views. 

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How can I tell if a therapist is right for me if I don’t know their politics yet?

Professional background, experience, and preferred style of therapy. 

Sage Therapy provides bios for all its therapists so that you can review their specialities and get a sense for their style. Familiarity with your age group, experience with your specific issues, and their “Working with Me” section can all give you an idea of what it might be like to see this person for therapy on a regular basis. Therapy styles include a huge range of disciplines, from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to Psychodynamic Therapy. Each method has its strengths depending on the issues at hand, so if you have a strong idea of what you want to accomplish in therapy, you can choose a therapist who uses a style that’s effective in situations like yours. While we’ve established that a therapist’s politics have very little bearing on their ability to help you, there are therapists from specific professional and cultural backgrounds who specialize in helping those who prefer to work with someone who is very up front about their values. For example, there are Catholic priests who are trained therapists, therapists who integrate faith practices into their work in other ways, and therapists who explicitly seek to advance social justice through their collaboration with clients. As long as you’re aware of these things going into a session, this is acceptable and sometimes necessary for those who don’t feel comfortable telling their secrets to someone they just met.

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Rapport. 

Once you’re in session, you can get a sense for the kind of back and forth you and your therapist get into. Do you feel comfortable sharing things with them that you haven’t shared with others? Do they seem interested in what you’re saying? When the session ends do you still feel like you have more you want to tell them? These are all signs that your therapist is successfully drawing you out and gaining your trust. Both of you may need some time to adjust to one another, and there may certainly be hurdles and snafus that crop up along the way, but overall you’re looking for someone who genuinely seems to be listening to you and understanding what you’re telling them while asking questions that you’ve never considered or answered aloud before.

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Goal setting and effectiveness measurement. 

This takes longer to evaluate, but ultimately will determine whether you and your therapist are a good match for the long term. In your first session your therapist will likely ask you what you hope to accomplish in therapy: build your confidence, untangle a thorny problem, recover from trauma, etc. Once you’ve shared a few goals, this allows your therapist to track your progress session to session. They may praise you when you display increased confidence, or point out when an intrusive thought is repeatedly popping up, or congratulate you on a realization that brings you some measure of peace. This keeps your sessions active and successful, giving you the momentum to tackle these goals week to week. Therapy isn’t linear, and sometimes the goals we set at the beginning don’t reflect the accomplishments we experience down the road. However, a good therapist will track your development, remember things that are important to you, and provide positive feedback when you hit certain milestones. If you feel like you’re a little lost in therapy and unsure of what it is you’re working on, you may need to have a talk with your therapist to clarify their understanding of your specific needs. If they seem unable to identify these after a few sessions, they may be in need of more professional development, or at least not the right fit for you. 

Finding the right therapist for you can be tricky, but once you fall into a good back and forth with the right person, the relief and empowerment you will experience will make everything worth it. It’s hard to trust one another right now at all, and politics seem like the central issue that divides us from one another. However, psychotherapy is a tool to increase understanding, encourage connection, and uncover the basic things about our human experience that tie us together. Perhaps that’s what we most need from one another right now.