***SPOILERS AHEAD, PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK***

‍

Grief appears in our lives sometimes quietly, steadily, or all at once, and often in ways we don’t expect. HBO’s The Last of Us, based on the critically acclaimed video game of the same name, is more than a story about surviving a post-apocalyptic world. At its core, it’s a reflection of loss: of loved ones, of innocence, of identity, and of the world as we know it. Through its characters, The Last of Us explores the complex and varied ways we grieve, and what it means to keep living through loss and change. We’ll look at how grief can be experienced differently through three characters: Ellie, Abby, and Joel. By examining their stories, we can learn something about our own losses and how we carry them.

‍

Ellie: Numbness After Loss

Following the events of episode 2, Ellie represents what many might consider typical grief. Her losses are traumatic and sudden, especially the death of Joel, who had become like a father to her. She exhibits signs of emotional numbness, saying and doing what’s expected of her, but still disconnected from her life and support systems. This kind of response is common after trauma, when the nervous system shuts down parts of our emotional processing just to help us survive.

Ellie’s experience shows how grief can leave us moving through life in a fog - still functioning, but barely. It reminds us that people who appear “fine” on the outside may be holding deep sorrow within. Throughout the season, we see her grief shift and grow more complex, beginning to parallel Abby’s.

Abby: When Grief Looks Like Rage

While Ellie’s grief simmers beneath the surface, Abby’s grief is raw, angry, and deeply complicated. When we meet her, she’s driven by vengeance after the loss of her father. This type of grief can be understood as complicated grief—a prolonged and intense response that disrupts a person’s ability to function.

Rather than mourning quietly, Abby channels her pain into violent action. She lashes out, seeking justice but also trying to fill the unbearable hole left by her loss. Her path reminds us that grief isn’t always soft or tearful. Sometimes it’s furious. Sometimes it makes us do things we later regret. And sometimes, it takes confronting that pain directly, again and again, before we can even begin to heal.

Joel: Living with Grief

Joel’s story begins with devastation through the loss of his daughter in the early days of the outbreak. But years later, we see a man who has, in many ways, learned to live with his grief. This is called integrated grief, when the pain of the loss is still there, but we’ve adapted to it. Its significance is no longer as apparent in our every move as it becomes part of everyday life and who we are. 

However, Joel’s grief also evolves. By the beginning of season 2, he’s experienced a secondary loss with the fracture of his relationship with Ellie. The connection has become strained and develops into an ambiguous, painful distance. In grief work, secondary losses refer to the ripple effects of a primary loss. It is not only who we lose, but also the imagined future with them, the roles we played, and the identities we once held. In Joel’s case, he not only lost his relationship with Ellie. He lost who he knew himself to be - a father, a protector, a companion. His character arc shows that grief doesn’t stop after one loss, it can keep unfolding.

What The Last of Us Reveals About Grief

Each of these characters shows us a different face of grief: rage, numbness, acceptance, and everything in between. What The Last of Us makes painfully clear is that there’s no single way to grieve. There is no timeline, no checklist, no “right” way to feel. We all navigate loss differently depending on who we are, what we’ve lost, and how we’ve been shaped by life before and after that moment.

In witnessing Abby, Ellie, and Joel, we’re reminded that grief is inherently human. It’s messy, sometimes violent, and sometimes silent. And while we may not be living in a post-apocalyptic world, our personal losses can feel just as earth-shattering.

It reminds us that grief is more than just the moment of loss. It’s the aftermath—the identity shifts, the loss of imagined futures, the distance between people, and the painful process of growing with grief. 

‍

Tools for Navigating Grief

Although The Last of Us is fictional, the emotional truths it reflects are deeply real. Whether you’re surviving your own loss or helping someone through theirs, here are some tools and resources that can help you navigate the journey:

‍

1. Talk Therapy

2. Joining a Grief Support Group

3. Creative Expression

Use journaling, letter writing, or art to explore what you’re feeling. Try prompts like:

• “What I wish I could tell you now…”
• “A memory I want to hold onto forever…”
• “What has changed most since the loss…”
• Or, complete a Goodbye letter

4. Rituals and Remembrance

Honor your loss with intentional rituals:

• Light a candle
• Create a memory box or grief altar
• Plant something in their memory
• Celebrate anniversaries or meaningful dates
• Find and use a Wind Phone

6. Books & Podcasts

• It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine
• Griefcast
• Terrible, Thanks for Asking

‍

Conclusion

The Last of Us doesn’t just show us what we’ve lost—it shows us how we keep going. Grief isn’t something to get over, but something we learn to live with, carry and shape our lives around. So give yourself permission to grieve in your own way. Find what helps whether that’s talking to someone, writing, creating, or remembering in a way that’s meaningful to you. And when you’re ready, allow yourself to build a life with grief makes space for both sorrow and joy.

‍

References

• Shear MK, Ghesquiere A, Glickman K. Bereavement and complicated grief. Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2013 Nov;15(11):406. doi: 10.1007/s11920-013-0406-z. PMID: 24068457; PMCID: PMC3855369. 
• Why Secondary Losses Are Especially Punishing
• Worden, J. W. (n.d.). Grief counseling and grief therapy, fifth edition: A handbook for the mental health practitioner. Springer Publishing Company.

‍