The holiday season is often filled with traditions that bring warmth and connection. Traditions can offer a sense of belonging, joy, nostalgia, and even reflection. They often can be a representation of our excitement for the holidays and our love for one another or our culture. Yet when life shifts, traditions may begin to look different, and that change can create unexpected and intense emotions. Maybe you are grieving a loved one, or maybe not on speaking terms with family members, or maybe just don’t have the energy this year. When traditions change or fade away it can feel overwhelming. It is normal for traditions to shift, change, or even stop, but just because it is normal doesn’t mean it isn’t painful. 

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When Traditions Shift

Experiencing grief from loss of tradition can show up as sadness, irritability, numbness, or guilt for not “feeling festive.” Instead of judging these emotions or pushing them back down, it is important to validate these feelings and provide them a safe space to exist. This can look like talking to a therapist, journaling, or opening up to a trusted friend. When we recognize and validate these emotions, it opens up space for something new to emerge, including new and updated traditions that might suit your life better. Sometimes that means setting boundaries around gatherings or expectations and choosing what truly nourishes you instead of what feels required.

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Honoring Feelings and Creating New Traditions

Changing traditions doesn’t have to mean losing meaning. Each season of life offers a chance to redefine what the holidays represent. Maybe last year it was about large events and exciting changes, but this year it is about rest and connection. Some reflection questions about traditions that might elicit more insight into how to incorporate them into your life this year may be:

• What do I want this season to feel like?
• What emotions come up when I think about the holidays this year?
• Who do I genuinely feel safe and supported around during the holidays?
• What values do I want my holidays to reflect? What small action can I take to align with that intention?
• What might feel different about the holidays this year? How can I honor my feelings around this shift?
• How can I balance honoring the past with embracing the present?
• Does this tradition feel like an obligation? How can I mix things up to bring back meaning and excitement?
• Take a few minutes to write about your favorite holiday memory and what made it meaningful. Then reflect about the feelings that were created in that moment and how to recreate those feelings in your life this year, even if the circumstances are different.

It’s okay if your celebrations look smaller or entirely different this year. For example, someone who used to host large family dinners might find comfort this year in preparing one favorite recipe and sharing it with a close friend instead. Other traditions you may add to your holiday season this year are creating a memory ornament to honor someone who has passed, making a gratitude jar and read one note each day of the season, volunteering instead of attending a big family gathering, taking a nature walk on a holiday morning as a new grounding ritual or holding a candle-lighting ceremony for loved ones far away. Connection doesn’t always look like a crowded dinner table. It might be a video call with a friend or even a few quiet moments shared with yourself. Sometimes honoring your emotional needs might also mean skipping a tradition or saying no to an event. Giving yourself permission to slow down or adjust doesn’t take away from the meaning of the holidays, it just creates a new sense of joy that better represents your present self.

Mindfulness, Connection, and Joy in the Present

Intentionality and groundedness are two important things to keep in mind while beginning to plan your holiday season and traditions. It can be easy to slip into “holiday autopilot” and replay memories or compare this year to the past. Being mindful of our present experience can allow us to acknowledge different factors that can influence our mind, body, and spirit and allows us to honor our present self. Implementing some grounding techniques before planning or completing a holiday tradition might allow you reexperience the joy of the season all over again. Mindfulness can look like practicing gratitude, making a  playlist of songs that bring peace or comfort, engaging your senses (i.e. noticing smells, colors, or sounds you enjoy), or just pausing and taking a breath between the hustle and bustle of the season. Another great way to experience gratitude and joy in a new way this holiday season is engaging in community and volunteer activities. This can provide opportunities to increase your sense of community and accomplishment. By giving back to our communities we can strengthen our purpose and contribute to the greater good. 

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Conclusion

If this holiday season feels heavier than usual or just different, you are not alone in that feeling. The holiday season and traditions can hold many emotions, sometimes even conflicting ones at the same time. As you move through this season, remember that your worth and your capacity for connection are not defined by how closely you recreate past traditions. Traditions can be shifted and still elicit meaning that is impactful and comforting. When you approach traditions with self-compassion and intentionality, you allow space for new forms of comfort and peace to emerge. May your traditions reflect not just what once was, but who you are now.

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Resources for Coping:

• Experiencing Loss and Grief with Traditions
• Grief, Traditions and Holidays: How to Cope
• The Dinner Party - Online support groups for those living in the United States ages 21- 45, who have experienced the death of someone important to them. 

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