The Spring Equinox has been held by many folks, myself included, as the actual start to the new year (no offense to January, but there is nothing “new” about the darkness and gloom that persists through the start of the calendar year). Springtime invites a rebirth of the world around us. Nature begins to rebloom and blossom. The weather takes a turn from the cold, bleak, bitter slowdown to nourishing rains and winds spreading seedlings across the earth and inviting the various critters to wake up and roam throughout their ecosystems, feeding their hungry bellies that have been hibernating for months. 

This time of the year for me, with all of these things reawakening, feels like a better time to reflect, recognize, and readjust than at the start of the calendar year. We know that January 1st oftentimes brings forced conversations about goals and resolutions, though when I am in the midst of wintertime, all I want to do is celebrate that slowness with my people and get through the harshness of that time of the year. So in the past few years, I have allowed myself to do just that. This practice has allowed me to get really intentional about how, what, where, when, and why I choose to reflect, recognize, and readjust. When thinking about intentionality and the pieces that go into it for me, my therapist mind goes to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). And while I could go on a whole tangent about the modality of ACT, I’d like to focus today on a core component of it, the things that have allowed me to find my intentionality and the rituals that work for me: values. 

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Identifying Your Top 5 Values

Values are a key factor of ACT and a huge part of what I focus on with the folks I work with therapeutically. My goal is to help those sitting across from me identify what their top 5 values are within their life (yes, only 5) and then reflect on what values-based choices could look and feel like when faced with the various questions life throws at us (so non-chalant, amiright?!). 

Orienting ourselves to the things we value most in our life helps us to connect with what we will find to be most meaningful and fulfilling. 

That being said, I encourage every single person to complete some type of values sort for themselves. This is the one I walk through in sessions with folks, though if you Google "values sort", you will find dozens that would suffice. The one linked previously walks you through 50+ values, provides definitions to each when you hover your mouse over them (on a computer, so sorry to those comfortably phone-scrolling) as well as gives you the option to add your own at the end. It has you sort all the values listed, placing them into two piles: discard and keep. Once you get through that mighty list, it will have you do it again, but this time you can only keep 15. Then, again, but keeping 10. Then, lastly, 5. 

The reason why it's encouraged to get to 5 is because, if we focus on too many things at once, we actually don't focus on anything at all. Narrowing down to 5 doesn't mean you don't have 6, 7, 8, etc... other things you care about, it means that we can better attune our focus to the main priorities that you will find the most fulfillment and meaning in. Once you have those 5, reflect on your whys:

• Why are each of these values in your top 5? 
• What do each of these values mean to YOU (outside of the definition in the dictionary)? 
• And where are these things showing up (or lacking in presence) within your life currently?

When we can identify the things that have the most meaning, fulfillment, and importance within our lives, we can move even deeper into intentionality – reflecting on our day-to-day decisions of how we are balancing what, where, and making changes that feel the most aligned to who we are, what we want, and our greater purpose(s). 

So now what, Elizabeth? I found my top 5 values, I reflected on my whys, what do I do now?

Great questions, internet people, let’s explore further. 

That last combo-question I asked: where are these values showing up within your life? Where are they lacking presence? THAT is where we go next. We want to look at our daily life, with all the self-compassion and non-judgement that we can muster, and identify where we can insert more of our values. Here’s an example:

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If you value health, where are the moments you are connecting with that value currently? 

Maybe it’s in your morning routine: waking up, drinking a full glass of water, and getting a 15-minute stretch in. Maybe it’s in your commute to the office, getting off the bus a stop or two early to walk the rest of the way. Maybe it’s taking 10 minutes after you get home from your day to engage in a guided meditation to release the stress you’ve been carrying.

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Where are the moments you are disconnected from that value currently? (THIS IS THE PART WE NEED THAT SELF-COMPASSION AND NON-JUDGEMENT)

Maybe it’s staying up super late and doomscrolling TikTok, pushing off bedtime because you don’t want to go to work the next morning. Maybe it’s forgetting about your lunch hour because there’s so much you need to get done in the day and you’re intently focused on all the tasks. Maybe it’s pressing snooze over and over and over to end up no-showing your workout class because of that aforementioned late night doomscroll and you’re exhausted.

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Reflecting on the various moments we have throughout the day to lean into or away from our values can help to highlight the pathways of change. Now, I’m not saying that we need to remove every single moment of disconnection-from-values in our day-to-day, that would be nearly impossible and probably encourage rampant, unhealthy perfectionism. What I am saying is to take a moment to be present with yourself and find those micro-moments throughout your day that you see yourself experiencing meaning and fulfilment. 

• ‍When you notice you’re actively making a values-based choice, mentally (or literally, I’m not judging) high-five yourself. Give yourself a mindful second to validate yourself for leaning into your values. 
• ‍When you notice you’re actively leaning away from your values, take a pause and reflect: what are some of the reasons why you could be leaning away? What might be more enticing to you at this moment than a values-based choice? Be kind, be compassionate, be curious. We aren’t judging. We can only reflect and explore to understand. 

People (usually) don’t just do things for no reason, there are typically motivations behind our actions. When we can allow ourselves to get curious and explore with kindness, we can understand ourselves better than before and help ourselves discover other ways to meet the moment. 

So as spring continues to be sprung, and schedules continue to roll on, take some time for yourself to reflect on your values. What are the most important things to you within your life? How are they showing up within your day-to-day? And where might some tweaks be encouraged to lead a more values-centered life? 

Thanks for reading and I’m wishing you and your loved ones a values-filled Ostara!