FAST: Fair, Apology, Stick, Truth 

The FAST skill in the CBT handbook gives us a framework to communicate our needs while respecting others. Practicing this skill can build your sense of self worth, and empower you to calmly yet assertively set boundaries. 

Boundaries are extremely important at work because they foster trust and accountability, which are essential for productive collaboration. Depending on your temperament and the nature of your job, the boundaries you can set will vary. Find your formal job description or the ad you responded to when you applied and map out where you have the most agency. Important areas to consider include:

• What hours you’re expected to work onsite and what hours you’re expected to be remotely available off site.
• When and how often you can use vacation and sick days, and how much notice you’re expected to give before taking days off.
• Who can assign tasks to you, who can take things off your plate, and who you need to keep informed of where you are and what you’re doing.
• If your work interacts with the public, what kind of interactions are normal vs. abnormal. For example, your expectations for working with graduate students seeking financial aid will be different from your expectations for working with patients in the emergency room of a psychiatric hospital, and your employer’s expectations for you will vary accordingly.

Not everything you need to know is in your job description, so it’s worthwhile to set up a meeting or get a coffee with your supervisor to answer some of these questions. They will appreciate your proactive accountability.

For similar reasons, it will be valuable to talk to your colleagues about what they do and how they anticipate you will work together within the structure set by your boss or your company. 

• What are their priorities and how do they spend the majority of their time at work?
• Is there anyone other than you designated to help them?
• How do they like to communicate (email, text, phone call, etc.)?

All this information will help you anticipate where you may clash with others, where they may be overreaching and taking advantage of you, and how they may react in different situations. Some other considerations may include your company culture; how do people dress, speak, and conduct themselves? Is humor appropriate and appreciated? Being prepared with this information will make a huge difference in your ability to recognize and enforce the right boundaries in your workplace.

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Balancing Boundaries and Work Relationships

The goal in using the FAST acronym is to help you remain grounded in your values and boundaries while building bridges of understanding between you and others in your life. We can’t do everything ourselves, and there will be times when we have to rely on others to get things done in the workplace. Maintaining a positive and easy relationship with colleagues makes this possible, but there are times when being agreeable backfires. If you or your colleagues don’t practice good boundary setting, you can get into all kinds of trouble: burnout, building resentments, and an overall dysfunctional workplace.

You may have little to no control over the boundary-setting practices of others, but modeling best practices can position you as a cultural leader in your workplace. The FAST framework begins with Fair, the skill of balancing your needs with those of your coworkers.

Fair

Fairness is about balance, and in this case, you have to balance your needs and directives with those of your coworkers. Whenever possible, use “and” instead of “but.” You’re not necessarily arguing; you’re demonstrating that both you and the other person can coexist. 

Instead of: “You want me to complete this project but I can’t focus when you yell at me,” 

Try: “I get that you raise your voice because you want to make sure I understand how important this is. I want to get this project done too, and I work best when I can focus on what you’re saying and not how you’re saying it.” 

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(no) Apology

You may wish to soften your words by asking forgiveness as you lay out your boundaries. Many of us are socialized to apologize almost as a punctuation to our sentences. That can be a lifelong battle, so for now just focus on interactions at work. No apology is necessary when you are simply expressing your needs. 

Instead of: “I’m sorry, I just can’t stay late tonight, I wish I could help you” 

Try: “I see this is taking longer than we anticipated. I do have an appointment I can’t miss. Let’s touch base early tomorrow.” 

By doing this, you’re conveying that this person can’t take your time for granted. And, if they want you to be available to help them, they have to plan for it. At the same time, you are showing accountability by making your appointment, so this person knows if they plan to work with you, you will show up.

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Stick

You can’t always get what you want, but it’s important not to waver, or sacrifice too much, when it comes to what’s most important to you, whether that’s integrity, compassion, sustainability, or any other core value. “I realize that sending this without notifying the other department will save us a lot of time, but I don’t feel comfortable lying to them.” “Excluding that person from the meeting will let us shine more, but they have a place at the table too and we can’t keep them from participating.” Depending on your level of seniority, your wishes may not always be honored, but verbalizing how you actually feel about the situation gives others more respect for you. It also increases the chances that others will listen to you and count on you for good decision making. 

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Truth

Be honest about your limitations. Vulnerability at work is a tricky balancing act, but this is an area where you can rely on your self knowledge when it comes to what boundaries you can and cannot compromise on. Avoidance is not boundary setting. If someone tries to assign something to you and you strategically ignore them, you haven’t actually addressed the problem because you haven’t admitted that you’re not able to take this on. Proactively communicating your limitations early on sets expectations for your collaborators. “I want to help you get as much done as possible. I’m already handling XYZ, which are all important. I won’t have the time that’s needed to focus on this project in addition to my other work. Is there something we can take off my plate, or can we tag in another team member to help?”

There is an exception to this; if you experience a condition that has been formally diagnosed by a doctor and need special accommodations from your boss, that is not something you can discuss directly with them or your colleagues. Instead, you should approach your HR representative and allow them to interface with your boss on your behalf. Your boss may not be trained or equipped to evaluate this and special accommodations can’t be negotiated in casual conversation.

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Conclusion

The workplace is a complicated environment where we have to balance strength and vulnerability, and where we have to make sacrifices and compromises to reach our goals. You can make changes in the way you interact with your coworkers that allow you to navigate this process while keeping your integrity and self respect. It’s hard work, but a therapist can help you identify your non-negotiables and prepare for conversations where you will have to defend them.

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