As we get older, many of the celebrities we grew up with as consistent, stable figures in our lives have begun to pass away. After finding out about the recent death of Dolly Parton, I began to cry for what seemed like forever. I felt shocked by the tears as they ran down my face and it made me wonder: why are we so impacted by losses of people that we never even knew personally?

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What is a parasocial relationship?

The relationship that you have to celebrities and other people that inspire you, but that you do not know, can be described as a ‘parasocial relationship’. This essentially describes the one sided connection that forms when you regularly engage with someone’s work, personality or public presence. While the relationship does not go both ways, the feelings that can develop towards that person can be very real.

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Grieving what someone (and their work) meant to you

Have you ever heard a song or seen a TV show that brings you right back to a meaningful moment from the past? Your memories in life are often marked by the music and the art that served as the backdrop for them. Music captures time and an album can feel like the soundtrack for a past version of yourself, relationships, and important life milestones. When the person who created art that has been in your life for a long time, or that has meant something to you even for a short time, it can feel like a tremendous loss that leaves you grieving a small piece of your own history.

The loss may not be about the person themselves, but about what they meant for your life. You may be grieving the memories, the people you’ve shared experiences with, or even another version of yourself that feels distant now. The death of a celebrity can serve as a reminder that one chapter of your life has closed which can in turn bring up sadness, nostalgia, and grief.

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How grief for celebrities can impact existing grief of a loved one

When grieving the life of someone you don’t know, sometimes it can bring up grief for someone you did know. If you’ve lost a parent, friend, sibling or other close person in your life, there’s a chance that when a celebrity dies that you shared a love of with them, it may bring up significant feelings around loss.

A song, movie, or painting can remind you of the person you lost and the experiences you shared with them. A single song lyric can bring you right back to a moment in time like you never left. While it may feel surprising to experience an extreme emotional response to a celebrity's death, that loss may just open the door to feelings that were already there.

Grief can be unpredictable and you never know what may bring up feelings related to loss. While it’s impossible to be completely prepared (and often comes when you’re least prepared), it’s important to meet yourself with compassion when grief unexpectedly comes up. A celebrity’s death may seem disconnected from other losses you’ve experienced, but the love that you had for their work and the memories connected to it create a bridge between the two. Sometimes, the love you have for someone you never knew personally can remind you of the love you have for someone you’ve lost, and the memories and grief that you continue to carry with you.

Giving yourself permission to grieve

There can be shame associated with grieving a stranger. However, parasocial grief is valid as there is a legitimate experience of loss that can happen as a result of a celebrity death. Allowing yourself to feel whatever comes up can help you process your emotions and understand the meaning of the loss. A celebrity may have been part of your daily routine as you listened to their music on the way to work or they may have helped you through a difficult period in life. Whatever they meant to you, you deserve to grieve them without guilt or shame stopping you from doing so. 

As you grieve, it may be meaningful to allow yourself to engage with the work of the person who has passed away. For example, listening to their music or watching their movies may bring you comfort while also providing an opportunity to engage with your grief in an intentional way.

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Finding ways to process your grief

In addition to engaging with their work, you may also be able to find other ways to process your grief. Talking with friends and family who shared a love for the person who died can be a helpful way to seek support while grieving and can remind you that you are not alone in your feelings. 

You might also find comfort in journaling about your grief and what the person meant to you, creating a tribute to them (such as a playlist or movie night), or expressing your feelings through artwork inspired by them. 

It is also okay if some ways of grieving feel comforting one day and difficult the next. Grief can change and often looks different depending on the day. The important thing is that you pay attention to what you need in the moment and give yourself permission to adjust how you cope as your grief changes.

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Conclusion

There is no “right” way to grieve, and this includes when the person who dies wasn’t in your inner circle. Your connection to their work and the meaning they had in your life can make their loss feel significant. As you navigate this specific type of grief, remember to have grace with yourself and allow your feelings to exist without judgment. It takes time and space to process any kind of grief, and grieving a celebrity is no exception. Grief can take many forms and while it may feel surprising when it comes up in an unexpected context, you deserve the same compassion you would offer anyone else who is experiencing grief. 

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Sources

• Parasocial relationships