Chosen family can be a necessary and powerful source of support within LGBTQIA+ communities. While many LGBTQIA+ people have supportive biological families, research suggests that almost half (46%) of adults in the community are estranged or do not have support from their families of origin. (Just Like Us, 2023) This is a staggering statistic that highlights the importance of building a strong support system beyond one’s family of origin. 

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What is a chosen family and why does it develop?

Chosen family can consist of anyone you choose to have in your life and who provides love, encouragement and a sense of belonging. These relationships can be a vital lifeline for many and can contribute to mental and emotional well-being across the lifespan. While biological families can be a source of support for many people, building meaningful relationships outside of traditional family structures is a common practice in LGBTQIA+ spaces. 

For many, choosing their family came out of necessity after rejection, misunderstanding, or lack of acceptance from their parents or other family members. This is a deeply painful experience that can have lasting effects on mental and emotional health. As a response to this, many people are drawn to communities where they are able to create spaces that offer care, connection and mutual support. 

Even if someone does not experience rejection from their family of origin, these support structures also provide a sense of understanding and acceptance from people with shared experiences and identities. Chosen family does not have to be a replacement for biological family as many people in the community maintain positive relationships with both. 

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Mental Health Within LGBTQIA+ Communities

LGBTQIA+ folks often experience external stressors such as stigma and discrimination that are associated with an increased risk for mental health concerns. According to the Trevor Project, 1.8 million LGBTQIA+ youth seriously consider suicide each year. The impact of family or caregiver support on suicide risk was also measured in a 2022 survey by The Trevor Project. The survey indicated that LGBTQIA+ youth who experienced various kinds of support (i.e. the use of proper pronouns/name, acceptance of partners, etc.)  from their family reported less suicidality than those who did not have that support. 

These results clearly highlight the importance of emotional support and affirming relationships on mental health outcomes. Chosen families can be a valuable form of support that may otherwise be missing in one’s life. 

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How chosen family supports mental well-being

1. Sense of belonging:

Chosen family is an opportunity to connect with people who make you feel seen and accepted. A sense of belonging is a fundamental human need that can have positive impacts on mental and emotional health. 

2. Reduced isolation:

Isolation can have negative impacts on mental health. Through chosen family, many are able to reduce this isolation and increase social connection. This can make a meaningful impact on mental health outcomes. 

3. Emotional safety:

Having a place to talk about your emotions with someone who makes you feel safe is invaluable for mental health and emotional well-being. 

4. Celebration of milestones:

Creating traditions and building memories with people you love is a great way to stay connected over time. Celebrating milestones, big and small, can bring joy and reinforce support systems. 

5. Authenticity:

It can be exhausting to mask aspects of your identity on a regular basis. Finding a community in which you can be your authentic self can be one step towards improving mental health outcomes. 

How to build a chosen family

It may feel daunting to think about how to approach building a chosen family, especially if past relationships have made trust difficult. However, it’s helpful to keep in mind that relationships and trust are built gradually over time through intentional and consistent connection.

Finding connections can start small and the first step is often finding places to meet people. You can check out your local LGBTQIA+ community center, seek volunteer opportunities, find local LGBTQIA+ events, attend a support group, or engage with online communities as a starting point. 

Once connections are made, it can be helpful to consider how you will maintain those connections over time. Open communication can be an important part of this process. Talking openly and honestly with people about what you want and need can help create mutual understanding and support within the relationship. Setting expectations and boundaries can also be a part of this process. 

Consistency also plays a role in fostering relationships. Regularly showing up for others is a great way to build trust and deepen the connection over time. For further reading on the impact of showing up check out this article published by Psychology Today. 

Providing mutual support is also a great way to connect with others. If someone needs help with something, try to be there if you can and ask for help from them the next time you find yourself in need. Reciprocity can be a helpful tool in the process of building community. Expressing appreciation for those you care about can also be a way to reinforce the connection and communicate care within the relationship. 

When it comes to relationships of any kind, quality can be more valuable than quantity. There’s no pressure to build an extensive chosen family in size. It may take time to build the community you want, but through consistent effort and care for others it is possible. 

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Conclusion

Chosen family can be a powerful source of love, support and belonging. Investing in relationships that help you feel seen, heard and understood can help you maintain your mental and emotional well-being while building a community. These connections can contribute to building a lasting support system through life’s ups and downs. While it takes patience, time and consistency, creating a chosen family can be a valuable source of support. Meaningful connections can take many forms and everyone deserves a community that allows them to show up in an authentic way. 

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References

• Fagan, A. (2025, March 18). The healing power of a family of choice. Psychology Today. 
• Just Like Us. (2023, April 19). Data shows majority of LGBT adults estranged from family. 
• Kassel, G. (2025, August 18). How to recognize or build your own chosen family. Healthline. 
• Project, T. (2024). 2024 U.S. National Survey on the mental health of LGBTQ+ young people. 2024 National Survey on LGBTQ+ Youth Mental Health. 
• Richter, B. E. J., Lindahl, K. M., & Malik, N. M. (2017, March). Examining ethnic differences in parental rejection of LGB youth sexual identity. Journal of family psychology : JFP : journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43). 
• Staff, N. I. (2025, November 10). The power of chosen family, and how to find it.