What are Diet Talk and Food Policing?

Diet talk and food policing are common enough in our daily lives, but they can run rampant during the holidays, especially those centered around food. While our friends, family, and loved ones may mean well, being surrounded by these conversations can be triggering for folks with eating disorders and body image issues. But you don’t have to have a diagnosis to be annoyed by these conversations. Not only can they be negative and triggering, but they also eat up (no pun intended) space and time that could otherwise be used to catch up with distant relatives or connect with people you care about in a meaningful way. 

Diet talk is any kind of talk centered around dieting, food rules, food restriction, diet fads, weight control, and criticizing others’ bodies.

Food policing is when someone comments on, judges, or involves themself in others food choices. This can be done directly or indirectly. 

Diet talk and food policing usually reinforce the idea that smaller bodies are worthier, better, and more desirable than others (which is not true!) while oftentimes shaming larger ones. Additionally, they suggest that what you eat is tied to your moral value (which is also NOT TRUE!). If you know going into this upcoming holiday season that diet talk and food policing will be present at your family gatherings, here are some helpful things you can do to prepare yourself.

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Ways to Prepare for Diet Talk/Food Policing

1. Buddy System

 If there is going to be someone else at the dinner party, event, or gathering who you feel safe talking to, ask if they would be willing to support you through the evening. This could look like them helping you get out of diet talk conversations, talking with you individually about something else when others are talking about calories, or accompanying you to another room away from the food police. 

2. Affirmations

It could be beneficial to write down, either on your notes app or on a piece of paper you can keep in your pocket to reference, some helpful affirmations for yourself. For example:

• I do not have to take these comments as truth. 
• My worth is not defined by my weight or what I eat
• I trust myself and my body.
• I listen to my body and its hunger and full cues. 
• I deserve respect and kindness from others.  

3. Boundaries

Only if you’re comfortable, set boundaries about diet talk and food policing before the event even starts! You could send a text to the group saying something as simple as:

“Super excited to get together! Just a heads up, I’m going to stray away from diet/weight talk when we see each other. I want to focus on catching up.”

You can also talk to individuals if that feels easier. Remember, boundaries are ways you will protect your needs/well-being. Rules are restrictions or expectations placed on someone else. 

Check out this resource on boundaries if you’d like to learn more about how to create them.

4. Therapy Session

Plan a session with your therapist shortly before your event and focus on preparing for the diet talk and food policing. Talk through your feelings, create a game plan, or role-play scenarios of diet talk with your therapist. 

Even though doing some of this preparation can help, sometimes we need more in-the-moment solutions. Here are some examples of diet talk and food policing, as well as ways to respond (or not) that could be helpful to keep in your back pocket. 

Example and Response Samples 

Agree Positively

Sometimes the most effective way to combat negativity is with positivity. Not only can this be a gentle reminder to yourself, but it could also offer a new perspective to someone who is steeped in diet culture. 

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Example: “You’re having a snack? Now? Dinner is in an hour!”

Response: “Yup! I am honoring my body’s hunger cues, and there is nothing wrong with that.”

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Example: “No dessert for me, I’m being good today.”

Response: “So am I ! I’m really craving that apple pie, so I’m going to listen to my body and have a slice.”  

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Topic Change

You don’t have to directly object to diet talk to make it stop. Striking up a different conversation can do the trick. It doesn’t have to be seamless, just something to nudge focus elsewhere. 

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Example: “Are there vegetables hidden under that stuffing? That’s a lot of carbs on your plate…”

Response: “Who made this stuffing, by the way? It looks delicious. I’ll have to get the recipe."

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Example: “I couldn’t possibly eat more, I’ve gained 5 pounds from this meal alone.”

Response: “Did you see that new movie that just came out? It looks really good.”

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Confrontation

It’s OK to be direct with someone about how their language is impacting you! This doesn’t even have to be a comment about them or their behavior explicitly, though it certainly can be. Remember, “no” and “stop” are full sentences. 

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Example: “We’ll be working this meal off for days. You ate quite a plate there!”

Response: “I actually don’t need to earn my food.”

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Example: “Just try it! Stop being so picky.”

Response: “Please don’t comment about my eating.”

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Removal

Sometimes the easiest thing to do is take a breather. If none of these other tactics work or you’re feeling especially put off, you don’t have to respond to someone. When in doubt, the bathroom excuse is your friend. Everyone has to go!

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Example: “Looks like I’m eating plain chicken and steamed veggies for a week after this meal. So many calories!”

Response: “I’ll be right back. I need to use the restroom.”

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Example: “Did you see how thin your neighbor looked? What’s their secret? They look great!”

Response: “I’m going to go to the kitchen and help with dishes.”

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Conclusion

Just because diet talk and food policing exist does not mean we have to perpetuate them or let them affect us. As frustrating as these things can be, you have the tools to choose something different and create a happier, guilt-free relationship with your body and food. By honoring your hunger, accepting your body, and refusing to engage in toxic conversation, you may even help change someone’s mind about their own participation in diet talk.